The pain

Sitting in a room full of people when someone still feels alone then no matter how hard the person tries its still going to be the loneliest night of all. That pain in the heart and smile on the face is something which I learned and now I am a master at it. I really wonder when this excruciation is going to leave my heart and find some other place to rest. I wished for love which was mine and not shared by anyone else but what I discovered was not even near to that. What I got is too hard to live with and now I am here where the love that I have is not only divvied but can never be mine. Is this really love, I wonder and ask myself every now & then. Is it some form of love, is it even love. Let me just ask my heart. And when I ask my heart, it cries and pains and runs away, turns it’s back on me and refuses to answer , its just says that when you have already decided to break me why even ask me. So much for this venomous love; “says my heart” that you forgot about me…. How much more poison you want? “My heart asks me”, how much bruised & battered, you want to see yourself, my heart asks me again & again. I have no answer cuz I am so lost in love. I feel  I am in the middle of the road, wounded, my knees on ground, hands on road with my heart broken, its so broken that not even in the dawn, with no soul around I am able to find the pieces of my heart and then I cry and get up with my wounded legs and heart, try my best to move and I move slowly cuz its so hard to walk with broken heart but its even harder to walk without a heart and see the pieces of your heart scattered around with no one helping you pick those pieces and gather them together. So I scream and fall again. My eyes half shut& half open wait for that first ray of sun and wishes someone collects those pieces and helps me breathe again. My heart longs for a breath of new air. Heart is aching badly. With no one around it cries silently cuz if it cries out loud the world says the tears are a faux. So it cries without making any sound and tries its best to keep hush and prays to the power above to show some mercy and let go off the pain & suffering. All the power rests with in you so this much can not you do for me. I cry, I beg, I ask, I question, I wonder, I wait, I look, I pray but I can not die. So all I ask is to stop hurting me and my request is to all the masses, stop hurting me. If can not love me please stop hurting me. My heart is sick of this pain and I feel I am having some deadly disease which spreads with every minute, every second, every day, every hour. So where ever you are come and see me what pain I am into. How can you just watch and do nothing about it. Pull my hand out of this life of agony. Pull my hand from it and let me breathe freely. Please let me breathe. Dear pain I request you to let go from my heart and find some other place. Stop residing in me and go find some other home.. Go now and never come back to me again. Tell me when I open my eyes in the morning you will be gone and promise me you will never see me again. Even the well of my tears is empty now so I can not feed you with anymore tears. You will die inside me. So go and rest some place else……………………….

"Snatch"

       

Like someone takes a pause before saying, I stared at the page for a while and then at my hands searching for that line which broke itself from the happy life that I was experiencing with a changed time in my life and I thought to myself why it had to go all wrong at this point of life. Why did I let that negativity in my mind reside for so long that when it came out, it did in the form of poison. Venom which made someone suffer without my intention to hurt. I never wanted to hurt him but I did because I let the negativity reside in my mind until it had captured my thoughts so well that I moved with the damaging thoughts. My concern turned to my own selfishness.

It’s like a never ending struggle with the facets of life. I never imagined that my concerns for someone would turn into a feeling where I want to take my heart out of my soul and get rid of the feelings that senses emotions and makes the heart angry, cry and suffer. But getting rid from the act of mine was not easy. It was becoming difficult for me to explain and suggest the reasons for saying something which I never meant. I never want to hurt or cause any pain to anyone in my life as God didn’t send me in this world to do so. My purpose of life was to give and not “snatch” which I tried to do without even knowing that it was actually me who was doing a deed which is likely to hurt you.

I got nothing out of thinking negative but it only ruined me and distorted my purpose of life which I believe was to ‘give’ in the form of love and care. All I want to do is scream until I am understood, all I want to do is cry until you wipe my tears, all I want to do is walk until I reach your heart again,  all I want to do is undone the wrong and make it right until I am alive.

The only thing I did was to let my fearful thoughts out and when I did that it turned out to be so ugly that even I myself could have not imagined in my horrifying dreams the result that was to follow and come my way in the form of a blow which made me actually stand on the cliff and all I needed was a push. How I wish this cliff scene was for real. I would have spread my arms and enjoyed the journey like a falling rain. But there is no escaping now from this ordeal of mine. I can only wait for time to heal and when it is healed I will never be the same again because in this healing process I am going to loose myself forever.

It’s another morning just for the namesake and I fail to eat, sleep or even blink without thinking of the damage I caused. But here I want to ask a question to every girl. Do you or did you ever worried about your relation with your husband after marriage as in would he listen to you the way he did before marriage or would he just listen to his parents and ignore your thoughts in front of his parents thoughts and many more things like this. Has the thought that you might get lost somewhere in others thought and has to say yes to whatever is said by his parents worried you before or after the courtship? I want to know does every girl worries about her being becoming a puppet of the boy’s parents or was it just me. I can be wrong and I can be really wrong but tell me the truth did these thoughts of ‘not being heard’ never came to your mind while you were thinking of marrying the ‘one’? 

After I let my thoughts out I got to hear things from him which I never thought I would. All the things where he told me I can not do anything because if I had to, I must have done it in the past one year. Words that hit me like an arrow were if you really wanted to follow your dream then you must have until now and again followed by “you can’t do anything”. I apologized a million times and actually felt sorry for putting forward things in such a mean and selfish way where I thought about him and me. But did it give him the right to personally hit my feeling and say such mean things and he is not even sorry for what all he said.  

Every girl, woman please let your thoughts enlighten me so that I am able to move ahead from where I am standing right now. Let me know why did my mind think of ways where I wanted to ‘snatch’ my husband and elope for a while until I form a bond with him and get rid of all the interference. Should I let go of the feelings that I feel and keep mum? I am lost in my own world...........................................

If you were................

If you were the music........I"ll only use the good notes.
If you were the sun..........I"ll wake up every morning to see the sunrise.
If you were the moon.........I"ll buy a castle to look closely.
If you were the tree.........I"ll sit under branches from dusk till dawn.
If you were the ocean........I"ll learn to flow.
If you were the snow.........I'll pray, fall whenever i walk the road alone.
If you were the woods........I'll love to walk in the woods each and every single day.
If you were the island.......I"ll never worry about getting lost.
If you were the book.........I"ll read everyday.
If you were the sea..........I''ll sit at the sea shore all night long.
If you were the season.......I'll wish for only spring season all year through.
If you were the heart........I'll hope you are in every soul.
If you were the wind.........I''ll stand and rise with the wind.
If you were the smile........I''ll desire to see it on every face.
If you were the story........I'll write the best one.

and if you were the words I"ll write forever.......

Love & Google..................

for this love i can cross million oceans and climb million mountains but then i dont need to do that as for this love i just need to look in your eyes..........

for this love i can fight the world and vanish all the obstacles but then i dont need to do that as for this love the world has given you to me fighting & vanishing all the obstacles..................

for this love i can wait until u r back & for the life that is left but then i dont need to do that as for this love even the love cant wait and brings  you back no matter how far you go................

for this love i can pray to god all day long from dusk till dawn but then i dont need to do that as for this love god told me,"your prayers have been listened and answered"..........................

for this love i can search this earth from start uptil end but then i dont need to do that as for this love i just need to……………. .

search........................................................................... on google!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things that stir my soul.............

Thing that stir my soul................

There are ample amount of things that stir my soul. Every bomb blasts that happened around country has stirred my soul and every citizen's. And now everytime  i sit in an auto or cross a bin, some fear is always there of something going wrong. What if there is a bomb in there? I feel i walk out of my house with my life in my hands and i fear of slipping away that life right from my hands, just in front of my eyes. And that fear, that feeling of something slipping away  just stirs my soul. The trauma of these bomb blast has just not affected the people who's lives were shattered by them but of everyone in the country... Though the lives seems to be normal and running like ever before but that fear doesnt seem to vanish from my soul.... As if It has taken a place in my heart and soul.
Fear of never comin back & never seeing my loved ones's doesnt seem to go......And that fear definitely stirs my soul....

Second thing which stirs my soul is the sight of these poor children just standing there on traffic lights forever and begging forever and selling things which never seems to be finishing.... Child labour is banned in india but still they are there like always inspite of the ban... Not just on these traffic lights but on every street just begging from dusk till dawn..Thinking about them and seeing there hopeful eyes just stirs my soul. Thinking about what life they have and what future they have just stirs my soul. Thinking about how lucky i am to have everything in life and how i had no worry from education to entertainment as everything was just served. These children hardly find food leave alone the education and entertainment. They entertain and dream about every possible thing they cant have... and for them their life is just a big dream.....  A dream that they dare to see.

Third thing that stir my soul was the masscare that happened in parts of orissa. Man killing man in my country was never the picture that i saw in my dreams. Why cant a human being be just a human being, remain a creation of god and see each other the way God sees us?  All equal in the eyes of all mighty... What all we do with these huge multinational india if man is still going to be the enemy of a man? Why have people become so ruthless? Where is the compassion? Religion, discrimination are the very grounds of violence....A person is never born as good or bad, its just the circumstances that make him a good or a bad person. And the people in this world who are considered bad are still bad because the circumstances havent changed. They are still the same. India may be developing, doing business and versatile deals all over the universe and moving  with time but the people, the real people of India are left far behind. Far behind in changing their minds. Clothes have changed but the thought process that goes in their minds is still the same. We cant forget that there are still parts of India where love is regarded as sin. Kill the man & woman who dare to fall in love...... Kill the child if its a girl..... And shockingly no retribution for the felon who went on such bizzare ravishment.

Fourth thing that stir my soul are the protectors of this country. when i hear about the crimes being committed by these gaurds, it just stirs my soul & then i really wonder who is going to protect us now? The gaurds who were supposed to protect the country are committing such heinous crime against women and visibly they are not protecting. Has it become so impossible for the country to protect its women? Who is responsible? Why aint the protectors protecting? Why are protectors becoming perpetratures? Thinking about the woman who got a victim of one of these horrible crimes just stirs my soul and makes me think if in the middle of broad day light it happened to her today.... will it be me or someone i know who would be next...... The greedy eyes of men all around me when i walk past the streets, stirs my soul with fear......The unknown steps that walk past behind me stir me with fear n my eyes wander around to see someone that i know and run to his side for shelter.... And unbelievabily home isnt the safest place as yet... When a daughter gets killed in her own house with her parents sleeping right next door, it is definitely going to make your heart skip a beat.

People prefer solving their issues themselves rather than going to police as they fear that police would get them in the pit rather than taking them out of it. Especially with the women working late night. There are countless problems they go through and when they turn for help, its not the culprits that bothers the policemen but the late night working of the women... We women aren’t being adventurous working late night... as for some it’s the need of the hour, for some it’s the need of the job and for some it’s their choice of working that way in the most popular democratic country. People want to help each other in hour of need but simply don’t cuz they panic imagining the sight of the complications & trouble they would be put through by police. The plight of after help stirs the soul & the man just walks by the man in trouble. Policemen who honestly believe in protecting are few. They are the only ones who took their pledges right with honesty and integrity. But these few are hard to find.

What freedom do we have if arent able to live without fear? We belong to a place where people are burnt, beaten, murdered, assaulted to hold their respective religion be it a north indian, south indian, person from east india or just anywhere with a different religion.why cant a man be just a human being... why cant the people who kill in the name of religion can be made to believe that they are killing a life not a religion?? What freedom do we have if the students of this country are beaten up by a political party simply cuz they are north indians. Seeing the pictures of these students on a front page of a newspaper and imagining what humiliation they must have gone through stirs my soul upto zenith.

My eyes have witnessed all these things. Sometimes they come to me through newspaper, sometimes through media n sometimes they come to me through my own eyes. And if you all out there arent ignorant to the real situation of my country,your country then all these things and many more things like this which you were a part of knowingly or unknowingly are sure to stir your soul .                                                                    Written by:----------------
                                                                                                                              Aditi Soni

A day in one of the wonders of the world.........................

A day in one of the wonders of the world……………………….


What does come to your mind when I say the word Agra? Of course the most beautiful thing in the world. Taj Mahal. It’s a place which everyone wishes to see once in their lifetime. After all its one of the most mesmerizing thing a person in love has gifted to his beloved. But what I saw there with my bare eyes it just made me feel so sad. I felt what they have made of this gift. I really can’t imagine how they would be feeling of what we have done to their symbol of love. I boarded a train from Nizzamudin railway station. Now the railway station speaks for itself and says that no matter how many terrorist attacks the security system will be just the same as ever before. It isn’t changing in any time to come and of course any elections to come.

The moment I took a road to enter into the Taj Mahal I was lost in middle of the people uttering guide guide guide and some of them just ran their eyes down to me and my friends pockets and explored for that bulge. I was amazed by the way they scanned us and knew in their minds that which thing is kept where. Somehow I walked past them and made my way to the Mahal. The moment I looked at it I couldn’t believe my eyes. What a beautiful sight it was. Absolutely breath taking. There again I was hounded by people asking to take photographs. Though I know it’s their job but sometimes a no means simply NO and they should understand that and let go. Too much of everything is bad you see. As I went closer and closer to the Taj Mahal the bigger it got and as I looked down, there were people, people who I saw spitting in the garden just outside where we are supposed to take our shoes off. Mobile phones have to be switched off but then how come I saw a bunch of irresponsible teenagers playing some cheap music on their phones and sitting in the garden without any shame.

“No Photographs inside.” That’s the sign I read when I was about to enter the Taj Mahal. The moment my eyes went inside the Taj Mahal, I said; “wow what a wonder”. Two people in love lying together forever and ever, what could be more fulfilling and eternal for someone in love. How prosperous Shah Jahan and Mumtaj must have been. I looked at the tombstones and my heart actually skipped a beat. My heartbeats went faster and faster as I went closer and closer. I gazed at the tombstones and was lost in the yesteryears when slowly and sharply these noises went in my ears and these noises went so loud they it brought me back where I was. These were the noises of kids revolving round and round inside the Taj Mahal and screaming at top of their sharp and undisciplined voices. These kids were making noises as if playing in a play ground and their parents said nothing to them. The damage was worse than using a mobile phone.  It irritated me so much that it not only spoiled my mood but also made me forget where I was. Then I saw some hopeless, good for nothing people clicking photographs where it was strictly prohibited (inside Taj Mahal). A security guard standing securing nothing at all. I wonder if I being just a spectator was so furious by the behavior of people what must be happening to the eternal souls of Shah Jahan and Mumtaj. Only because we are present now and they are not here doesn’t mean we have the right to spoil that gift which belongs to them and not us and which speaks about their eternal love. People I have one thing to say: Save it. And yes one more thing to Say: Please stop making money out of it. It is not supposed to be that way cuz it’s not a commodity, its love……………………


The Taj Mahal visit not only made me realized what was happening there but also answered a very basic question.
Why India can never progress?
People break rules and get away with it without paying penalty.
Illiteracy.
Bribery.
Police Chor Bhai Bhai.

Illiteracy.

Bribery.

time................!!

The time is here,
The moment is here,
Love is all that is here
I am here, you arent there
Time has taken you away
Moments are all that is here
To hold, to hold them in heart forever and ever
So the time always stays and moments live forever and ever……..